Four Things I Do to Help Me Thrive in Intergenerational Spaces
A few months ago I was asked how I navigate generational differences in my business. This, of course, set off my nerd-o-meter as intergenerational dynamics have always fascinated me, and it’s a hot topic in the business and career world where I provide coaching and consultancy. Between adolescence, academia, and professional experiences throughout the United States and abroad, I’ve had a lot of practice co-existing in diverse spaces with diverse individuals. Needless to say, I’ve made a ton of mistakes along the way—some that make me feel so stupid and awful that I prefer to keep them in the dark recesses of my mind—but overall the process has given me a wealth of knowledge about what works and what doesn’t work. The conclusion I’ve come to (as of year forty in my life, at least) is that the challenge in navigating intergenerational spaces is rarely due to one’s inability to find common ground with others; rather, it is the result of fear, insecurity, and ego creating toxic power dynamics and hierarchies.
Before I launch into my trade secrets, I do want to note that my frame of reference has and is dictated both by the presence and absence of bias and discrimination based off my real and perceived identity. (Hi, I’m a blonde-haired, middle-aged white lady from the Midwest who is currently wearing purple jogging shorts with colorful dinosaurs on them, so you know.) Keeping that in mind and check, I’m happy to share four things that I’ve found useful for thriving in intergenerational spaces at work and beyond.
Approach with curiosity and vulnerability. In the mid-2010’s, I accepted a managerial position with a staff of ten full and part-time employees ranging from college-aged teens to those with retirement on their mind. My direct supervisory experience had been limited, so I panicked a bit about my management abilities. It took some trial and error, but I found the best approach was to put my ego aside, lean into the unknown with curiosity and vulnerability, and be an active participant in the space we were creating. I asked questions about my teams’ lives and their work, learned about skillsets and strengths, had conversations about career goals and ambitions, and identified areas for learning and improvement for ALL of us. I approached gaps in knowledge or skills, not as deficiency or incompetence, rather as opportunities to support our growth as people and professionals. If there was something a junior staff member could teach, I empowered them to do so. If there was mundane administrative work to be divided up, I made a point to request that I was included when divvying it up. I did my best to create an environment where it was okay to not know, okay to ask questions, and okay to just be a human when needed. I was so proud to see my team not only meeting but exceeding expectations, which were high, and attributed a solid portion of my managerial success to leading the co-creation of this environment of curiosity, learning, and, vulnerability. It reinforced and demonstrated my belief that office hierarchy is merely a logistical structure and not a gauge of personal or professional value.
Recognize that everyone’s access and experience with information and technology is different. As someone whose developmental years were spent in rural Middle America during the 90’s living with a parent who still believes using basic online platforms or services results in identity theft—I had a somewhat limited perspective of technology and the outside world when I left home. (It was a massive victory when I was finally able to negotiate getting dial-up internet at home shortly before I left for college). That said, it was a substantial learning curve moving from my 28,000-person rural town to being in a liberal university environment just outside of the largest metro area in the state. Fast forward twenty-some years and I am still in awe of rapidly changing technology and services. In reality, I’ve have had both children and retirees run circles around me when it comes to knowing about or using tech at times. While I too get frustrated waiting in line for someone to figure out how to use a modern day parking meter, I try to remind myself there’s more at play. Accessing and understanding modern technology is a privilege and a skillset. Impatience is not an excuse to treat someone as incompetent or less-than, no matter how much that person is driving you up the wall trying to figure out how to use the self-serve kiosk at peak shopping time.
Spend time actively engaging in intergenerational spaces. Last year I participated in a virtual Life Design Workshop series with a cohort of women ranging from late-twenties to mid-retirement. My first instinct when encountering the age diversity was to make myself small and defer to the more seasoned women in the room, because what did I know about life compared to someone with seventy-two years under their belt. Yet, with supportive hosts who made space for everyone, I leaned in and gave myself permission to be vulnerable and an equal contributor to the space. Doing so made for such a brilliant, creative experience full of belonging, joy, relevance, and purpose. When faced with an in-person event, I’ve discovered leading with, “So, what’s your story?” (often followed up with “whatever story you want to tell me” when I get a puzzled look) is a great way to level the playing field and invite the individual to steer the conversation to a space where they feel comfortable. I also highly recommend throwing out the antiquated idea of someone having to “earn their stripes” to have legitimate presence or voice in a workplace or beyond. Human value is inherent, not something to be proven or earned. Giving someone the space to be seen and heard simply because of our shared humanity is a powerful gift.
Leverage my own experiences to lean into empathy. As the youngest sibling raised in a world where young people, girls, and women still face challenges being viewed as credible and relevant in society, I am intimately aware of feeling “less than” or invisible when in groups or communities. As years pass, I’ve found for me that this fear or feeling does not necessarily go away but rather morphs and changes with each new experience. I try to make a point of noticing when my need to “run or work a room” is coming from a place of insecurity, not power. I think about how my mentors and role models made me feel no matter what my age, and I make a point to approach myself and others with that same level of empathy and care. As I gain footing in a space or group and feel my confidence growing, I seek out others who may not feel as empowered or included. Focusing on someone’s greatness can strengthen interpersonal connections and improve listening skills. Truth be told, I’ve had my mind blown by seven year olds at times, and some of my most memorable conversations have been with people twice my age.
So, there you have it—with the caveat, of course, that planet and people are ever-changing. So, what’s relevant today may not be relevant tomorrow and vice versa. Things I learned at five and fifteen drastically impacted the trajectory of my life, just like things I’m hopefully around to learn at fifty and eighty that will do the same. It’s easy to hide from discomfort or hide behind, but know that we are all complete just as we are, while also being our tomorrow-self in the works. We have a lot to learn from each other at any age and a long way to go figuring it all out.
Until next time, y’all be young and old out there.
